Fight or Flight

No matter how many schools you go to you realize pretty quick, they’re all the same. There are teachers who care, teachers who don’t, there’s sad classrooms with art meant to inspire, and hallways either filled with students or resembling a ghost town. The kids have their groups minus a few lone stragglers and everyone knows where you belong and they will put you there, quick.  

Then of course there’s the cafeteria. This is where all kids are gathered in a frenzy of chaos. Mixing all social groups together where they’ll also be surrounded by their personal support group for unleashed hormonal outbreaks. NOT GOOD! 

On my third day at this school and fourth day in the new group home it happened. A girl I was sitting close to leaned close to me and said “she’s gonna hurt you” I wasn’t sure what she was talking about but my head popped up and looked around the cafeteria in a panic. When did the cafeteria get quite? When did everyone start looking at me?  Then I noticed her. A tall girl with dark brown hair and a face of fury was heading my way. “Oh God, what do I do?” “What did I do?” I looked for an exit but it was further away then she was. My heart was racing because I’ve seen that look before. A face bent on pounding mine in. Panic was flooding me, I could hear my heartbeat. If I cry for mercy I won’t find any sympathy the rest of the time I attend school here. If I knew what I’d done I could try to defend myself but no. I’m the new girl and I must have broken a rule I wasn’t aware of. Talked to a boy who is forbidden territory in their seventh grade minds. Or maybe I made friends with an enemy and I’m just the example. It’s simply new kid status. Veteran students are either enamored with them, disgusted by them, or simply plan to show them how things are done in their neck of the woods. 

Here it is. Do or die. Fight or Flight. The closer she got the more I searched frantically for a way out. She could take me, she is twice my size, my only advantage would be to throw the first punch. She stepped through the wall of middle schoolers and into my personal space then  said “I’m gonna kick” and I jumped up and punched her in the face with every inch of fear I had. All the panic, adrenaline and pure terror I had flowing through me was making contact with her face. I couldn’t stop until someone literally picked me up from behind and put my arms behind my back and she kicked making contact with  my ribs because her arms were also being pinned. Rapidly breathing I looked around at my peers as they were gasping, giggling and even cheering. After that my new girl status was gone and my label was one of crazy, fighter and not scared. 

No fear? How did they figure that. Fear is who fought the fight, not me. I didn’t want to start this, I preferred to be almost invisible. I hated when the principle lectured me and the kids now befriended me for no reason or avoided me like I was trouble. My heart is not full of anger, desire to hurt someone, seem like a a tough person or be seen by everyone. It’s just simple, it’s not my first new school, it’s not my first cafeteria, it’s not the first time the gate opened and I reacted like a caged animal and fought my way out.